The true measure of a leader’s success ought to start at the family level. “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5)
Leaders should, therefore, be as purposeful in leading their loved ones as they are diligent in guiding their staff. If they are zealous in solving problems at work, they are even more earnest in problem-solving at home. If they are known for their courteous and upbeat attitude at work, they are even more thoughtful with their family. If they are respectful of their co-workers, they go to even greater lengths to honor their spouse and children.
Leaders who are consistently loving, patient, and kind whether at home or at work prove they are genuine spiritual leaders. Leaders can accomplish marvelous feats in the public eye and be praised as heroes. But the real champions are those who go home at a day’s end to a family who loves and respects them.
True spiritual leaders move their families from where they are to where God wants them to be. Although they naturally enjoy seeing progress and growth in their organizations, they take even greater delight in fostering spiritual maturity in their families.
God has clear principles for leading families (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Ephesians 5:22-6:4). Those who unwaveringly follow biblical instructions will experience success in the most important arena of leadership—their home (Proverbs 22:6). As a result, spiritual leaders will leave behind a “godly seed” to carry out God’s plan and purpose for generations to come (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Malachi 2:11-15).
Family relationships have the potential to bring leaders their greatest joy and their deepest grief. Leaders who neglect their families in favour of achieving organizational goals may experience outward success but suffer abysmal failure in their home.
The rewards for intentional, godly leadership of one’s family are directly proportional to the investment made. Leaders derive a rich dividend of joy and contentment when their families remain intact and serving God. Long after a task is done or a project is finished or even a career has ended, the leader’s family will continue to provide a deep source of fulfillment. People who lead their families wisely can often set in motion a heritage of several generations who know how to lead their families as well as others effectively. What reward could equal seeing your children love and follow the same God they watched you serve during their childhood years?
PAUSE
What are some of the indicators that you are a leader in your family?
Solomon, famous for his wisdom, once wrote, “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). He
also said, “A house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a sensible wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14).
Apostle Peter admonishes husbands to live in harmony with their wives. “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
A leader needs a lot of things to help them reach their greatest potential, but none is greater than the person God has placed in their life to complete them and serve at their side. Outside of a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus himself, the most valuable possession in a leader’s heart is their spouse. God has designed us that way. And in order for this relationship to be at its very best, Johnny Hunt suggests that the following nine attributes must be present. The leader’s spouse…
1) believes in him/her.
2) encourages him/her.
3) supports him/her.
4) loves him/her unconditionally.
5) completes him/her.
6) knows him/her.
7) trusts him/her.
8) doctors him/her.
9) cares for him/her.
PAUSE
How best can your spouse support you in your leadership role?
Healthy Parenting
Christian leaders are expected, by biblical mandate (1 Timothy 3:4), to be examples of healthy parenting. They aren’t expected to be perfect parents nor have perfect children. But they are expected to relate to their children in healthy ways and create a healthy environment (spiritual, emotional, psychological, and physical) for their upbringing.
You must establish a core conviction, mission, purpose, or goal for your role as a parent. Then, as best you can, make every decision based on that conviction—not what will please others in the short run. Doing this requires courage, discipline, and occasionally a firm word to reject a follower’s persistent suggestions. In the end, your children will be healthier for knowing you parented them by conviction about what was best for their long-term development instead of short-term peace or praise from the cheap seats.
The following practices would help to nurture healthy relationships between parents and their children:
1) Avoid making your children angry
a) Don’t expect or ask too much from your children.
Don’t expect your children to be good at everything for example, the cleverest in school; the best athlete; the leaders of his/her team. God gives children the abilities (skills), he wants them to have, so that they can serve him in the way he wants them to serve. Encourage and help your children to develop (grow) the interests and abilities God has given them, but don’t force them to become what you want them to be.
b) Don’t be harsh (unkind, cruel) to your children.
Parents are big and powerful. Children are small and weak. Because of this, parents must not use their power on their children. They must be kind and gentle with them. When your children do something wrong, tell them their mistake, and show them the right way. But don’t criticize them harshly (don’t say unkind things), for this will make them feel useless. And don’t give them heavy punishments. If parents are cruel and unkind, their children will not respect and love them, and instead are likely to grow to be unhappy, angry young persons.
c) Don’t be too busy for your children.
Children need their parents, both father and mother, to spend much time with them (at least half an hour, three times each week), playing games, or reading books, or going places, or talking or doing things together. This makes strong family relationships.
Parents are busy people, but if they are too busy to spend time with their children, then the children will feel that they are not important to their parents. And if the parents are too busy because of the work in their organizations, the children will feel their parents love their organizations more than they love them. This makes the children angry about the organizations the parents work in.
Parents who are too busy to spend time with their children should try to change the way they live so that their children will feel loved and valued by the most important people in their lives.
2) Bring your children up for God
a) Do assure your children (make them sure) that you love them.
Many things worry or frighten children. They need to feel secure (safe). They will be happy if they see that their parents love each other. They also need to know that their parents love them, and will always love them, even when they make mistakes. It is good to say to your children, “I love you. I will always love you. I am glad God gave you to me.”
b) Do train your children.
Children need to be told what is right and what is wrong. They do not know these things unless we tell them. When children do something that they know is wrong, they should be disciplined (punished). A very angry parent should not punish his child, because his anger will make him punish the child too much. But a loving parent should punish his children so that the children will learn to obey.
c) Do have a family worship time every day.
It is good for your family to read the Bible and pray together in your house. Call your family together and read a few verses from the Bible with them. After that you may say something briefly about the verses you have read. Then your family can pray together.
The true success of a spiritual leader will be evidenced by his ability to lead his family in following Christ in a pattern of prayer, Bible reading, and worship. “For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5).
BIBLE VERSES ON LEADERSHIP AT THE FAMILY LEVEL
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4, ESV).
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, selfcontrolled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (Titus 2:1-5, ESV).
And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually (Job 1:5, ESV)
REFLECTION
- What challenges have you faced as you lead your family?
- How do you overcome or cope with the challenges identified in the question above?
EVALUATION AND ACTION
- What will you do to improve on your leadership at the family level?
- Study Titus 1:6-9. What lessons on leadership at family level can you draw from this passage?